Justice League: PR
by Trak The Cat
Summary: From being heroes, to the public to making sure the heroes stay heroes to the public, to anything else in between and for two mutants they will see what it means to be in public relations. Mainly DC Universe multiXover
1. From Destination to Confusion

I just want to say I don't own anything from D.C. comics but I do own Trak but not Rodney that's my friends' character.

**(First Person Narrative)**

"Holy Mother of God, **WHERE THE HELL ARE WE NOW?" ** That was the first thing that came to me when we got here.

I suppose I should start at the very beginning. You see I'm not exactly what you would call a normal human being; in fact I'm not entirely sure what I am. For as long as I remember I was always a cat-person or to be more specific an anthropomorphic cat with smoky black fur with black stripes and spots with long ears and a long tail. Rodney my best friend, if you want to call him that, is also an anthropomorphic life form. I think he's a wolf or a dog. Well, some kind of Tex Avery reject, who becomes some kind of wolf during full moons. I'm not entirely sure.

Oh silly me, my name is Trak the Cat, I prefer not to divulge my full name right now. We come from a place called Hobojunction U.S.A... It is a place that is not technically affiliated with the United States. So I guess by now you are wondering; what could have gotten that kind of out burst out of me? Well I'll tell you, you see for about two weeks now Rodney and I have been trying to get to New York City for Comic Con. We decided to go because Rodney wanted to meet many people who work in the animation and comic book circuit. People like Stan Lee, John Kricfalusi, Ralph Bakshi, Rob Liefeld and hopefully Joss Whedon just to name a few. I on the other hand wanted to meet them and also see if the rumors were true about Comic Con at night. You see, word has been that at night some of the people there dress up as famous heroes and villains from various comics, TV shows, cartoons, and yes that does include anime, and a few do a striptease. Unfortunately we missed the trains, planes, and automobiles going in that direction so we decided to hitchhike over. As we were walking hoping to catch a ride Rodney had to make his dumb-ass comment about my appearance. "I can't believe you dressed up like Luigi for a contest." "Hey I've got a very good reason for this." "And that would be?" "To get laid!" "By who?" "Cos-play girls" "(sigh) whatever man." "You know you could've dressed up as Mario." "So I could get touched by those freaks! No thanks." "You know there is a cash prize if you win." "No amount of money is worth my dignity." "The prize is $50,000." "God damn it!"

"Apparently hitchhiking was a bad Idea because we went from getting picked up by a family on vacation, who happened to be extremist Christians, I should also mention that these people happened to dislike Catholics, who had have a drag race against bus with a jet engine on it full of nuns."

"We went from that to getting caught in an explosion, to almost being eaten by cannibalistic rednecks. We managed to escape from that, only to come across and be captured by those infamous big headed gray aliens. Right after that we jumped them, hijack their ship, which from what the screen was showing took damage from a laser, crash land into a circus tent in this nowhere place called Smallville, only to be beaten up by circus midgets and then tossed in jail. And I gotta tell you folks, if there's one thing I hate more than extremely preachy people or BWB members it is circus midgets."

"Unfortunately it doesn't end there because a few prisoners that was there previously broke out of jail, caused a riot in the prison next door, as the town was thrown into chaos Rodney and I managed to escape and hid in a costume shop. We changed in to costumes to help us blend into the shadows; I looked like a member of Organization 13 from the Kingdom Hearts series with cat like rabbit ears and a long cat tail"

"Rodney looked like someone did a piss poor job dressing their dog like Quicksilver, from X-men, dressed as an old fashioned undertaker. God, he even had the big black top hat and the long black coat, personally I thought he looked great, provided he kept the coat buttoned up. After we changed clothes we tried to sneak out of town only to hide when we saw two very high tech ships descend from the night sky."

"Out of the ships come the Justice League Unlimited and one of the most well known of heroes Superman. If we had tried to leave at that point we would've been caught and sent back to jail, so we decided to go the opposite direction back to where the prison is and run from there. I thought it would have been easier to escape on wheels so we "acquired" a motorcycle from a citizen passing through. What a kind person he is, he was nice enough to let us escape on his bike and didn't even ask for monetary compensation."

"As we rode off we said our thanks, although I think I heard him say, "Give me back my bike you sons of bitches." But that could have come from anywhere what with all the insanity going around. I'll never forget the name of that person, Insert Name Here Yup definitely one of the good ones out there."

"I think we were almost out of town before we were prevented from leaving when we came across a woman with snow white hair in a blue and white costume. She didn't notice; much less see us for that matter when she started using her ice powers.

I'm not entirely sure but I think Rodney has the hots for this lady seeing as he has hearts in his eyes when he was looking at her. Huh, well whatever back to the story. When she used her powers she used it as a way to get to the top of a building. If I had to guess her ice froze some water on the ground which caused us to slip, and then slide onto the ice ramp she had created. To be fair when she used her powers I'm pretty sure she didn't intend for us to accidentally use it as a ramp, but when we did use it we were launched from the ramp, over a street full of cops, and into a building through a window.

I definitely must say that the movie industry in their depiction of stunts is full of crap because when Rodney and I went through that glass window it hurt like hell!"

Crash! Through the window we go and in to a brick wall. Ugh! I find myself getting up and looking around I see the bike, a bloody body of a biker thug behind the bike, then I see Rodney.

As I'm walking over to my friend I think back to that comment I made about the movie industry because if this was a movie that bike would have exploded already.

I see Rodney is fine for the most part a couple of cuts that's healing quickly enough and he looks a little dazed but other than that he's fine. Rodney then notices the bloody corpse the bike is on and says "I guess we hit someone on the way in... Oh well".

As we try to leave we notice there were people looking at us 'so much for leaving unseen' I thought. We also notice that some of those people are bound and gagged. Rodney was the first to speak up and said to me "I think we entered an S&M convention or a bondage party." I said a loud "You could be right, but judging by the few with guns I'd say were in a hostage situation. So naturally we held our hands up.

One of the armed people, who looked very pissed by the way, pointed a rifle at me and demanded to know who the fuck we were and what we were. "None of your god damned business that's who." I said to him.

He was about to open fire until I flipped the guy sneaking up from behind over and into the one with the rifle. Another guy who had a hand gun aimed at Rodney was suddenly shocked when Rodney grabbed him by his arm then pushed him away. He then tried to shoot Rodney until he noticed the gun that was supposed to be in hand was now in Rodney's hand. The man asked "How did...?" Rodney interrupted him and said "Rush Hour". He then proceeded to shoot his assailant in his right shoulder and left kneecap.

Suddenly from outside a booming voice "Those of you inside drop your guns and come out and put your hands up and we'll shoot you… I mean **or **we'llshoot. Yeah that's what I meant. Then when no one's looking I'll shoot and blow yer friggin heads off hehehe. Wait! Is this thing on? OH MOTHER FU-"

"Rodney, I'm getting worried about our chances of survival." I said to my friend.

As I tied up the jerks who tried to kill us Rodney walked up to the people who were bound and gagged, un-gagged one old woman and asked "You wouldn't happen to know how we can get out of here unnoticed, do you?" She said she didn't know. Then suddenly a wall bursts open and Superman is now seen hovering over the floor looking dead at us, kind of like the way a person would look at the guy who just now tried to kill their mom.

At this point I would just like to say that we were scared like you wouldn't believe, with us looking shady comic book villains, I mean even more so, over people who were bound and gagged and with Superman looking so angry like we just peed on his lawn. Oh yeah, we were close to being scared shitless.

Superman wasn't the only one we had to deal with, because at the door stood Green Arrow ready to release his arrows. Superman commanded us to put up our hands and to step away from the people. As we were slowly walking away from the people a red streak came from out of nowhere and sucker punched both of us.

I woke up and found myself in what I'm guessing is a police car; I don't know any other kind of car that has a barrier between the front and back seats. All I could do is ask, "What did we do to deserve this?" Rodney just looked at me like I were crazy, then it came to me and I said "Oh right, all the horrible things we've done."

It looked we were about to get thrown right back in to jail, when Rodney pointed out to my direction the same elderly woman that we inadvertently saved. After a couple of minutes the police came to let us out. Right after the cuffs came off the people who were tied up came to us and thanked us.

This would have to be the few times we were thanked, and I do mean ever because people usually chase us to beat us or at least try to kill us for the things we do, never to thank us. I felt pretty good doing something to help others and not completely for myself.

As we finished being thanked to the people; two kids, an elderly couple, three sexy women with very sexy smiles who kissed us on our cheeks, and some nerdy looking college students. The elderly woman told us her name is Martha Kent. As she told us how she was going to tell her son about the amazing rescue, I thought to myself why should I care?

Then Superman walks up to us as did the rest of the JLU and started talking. I really wasn't listening for I was paying more attention to Vixen's breasts up until the words food and drinks were uttered. Naturally we said yes. I then saw Superman then touch his ear and started speaking. I asked The Flash who Superman was talking to. He explained that he was currently speaking to a hero named Mr. Terrific through a com-link ear piece; I'm just going to guess that's their ingenious way of calling it a blue-tooth. After flash was done explaining Superman then said to pick us up.

Rodney, the JLU members, and I were then suddenly transported to a huge room with many other heroes I've only seen on the news. As I looked around only one thing came to mind that I made verbal.

"Holy Mother of God, **WHERE THE HELL ARE WE NOW?"**

Well that is first chapter to a hopefully good story. If anyone has a suggestion on what hero or villain they want to see put it in the review and I'll see what I can do.

See Ya for now.


	2. Meeting Heroes and a Mission

So here they are, one a mutant anthropomorphic wolf with drinking issues. The other a mutant anthropomorphic cat with mental issues. Both with social and personality issues, and are also known to be criminally mischievous, being surrounded by the greatest of heroes the world or maybe even the universe has ever known.

One can't help but think that they are screwed.

As the heroes walked off the warp pad to go their separate ways, Trak and Rodney couldn't help but look around. "Wow, I think we entered the set of a new Star Trek movie." said Rodney.

"You are such a geek." said Trak only to receive an annoyed look from Rodney.

They walked off the warp pad, Trak took his hood off and Rodney took his hat off, and noticed almost all the people there were looking at them. Instantly Trak and Rodney both asked "What the hell are you all looking at?"

One hero, in a red and white costume with what looked like red strips for a cape, answered them "We're looking at you both of you weirdoes"

"Hey who are you calling weirdoes, Jerk-wad" said Trak.

"I just said you, idiot" said the hero.

Another hero, in a light blue and white costume, walked up and said "Hawk, don't argue with them, Superman obviously thinks they have something to contribute to the league if they're here."

"Actually they came here by accident" said Superman though not loud enough for everyone to hear.

The hero, now identified as Hawk, then asked in a sneering tone "Okay then, Dove, what makes them so special that they can be in the League?"

Before Dove could answer Trak said proudly "Well, I just stole your wallet." As he showed the object in his hand.

To which Hawk was now checking himself only to find out his wallet was gone.

Rodney then said "And I just stole your friends' cell phone." As he flipped through Dove's phone Rodney said "Ya know for a straight guy you sure do have a lot of _**boys**_ on this phone, but don't worry buddy your secret's safe with me."

Most people began to whisper amongst one another but one sentence was heard loudest of all "After all those dates he was offered by some of the other heroines this sure explains a lot."

"I-It's not true!" exclaims Dove. "Sure it's not, and Al Sharpton's the President" said Rodney.

During an uncomfortable silence between the two mutants and the two heroes Trak and Rodney took a second to look around until something caught their eyes.

Rodney was looking at Ice once more but this time he got a good look at her, beautiful snow white hair, a pretty face and the body of a goddess in a skin tight body suit, yup folks, Rodney is in love.

Trak was looking at the person next to Ice with hearts in his eyes. She was Brazilian with the body of a super model, has green hair, a green tube top, in green spandex pants and green shoes.

**(Could it be that Trak too is in love? Or could it be that both Trak and Rodney are having a heart attack. No, wait, it is love. Awww ain't that cute. But it's ****WRONG!****)**

**(Meanwhile back in reality with Hawk and Dove)**

Hawk was angry. He was very angry and humiliated, especially because he was trying to impress some of the heroines before this argument started.

He was so very angry in fact that he took back his wallet and lunged at Trak. While this was happening Dove lunged Rodney.

But before they realized it Trak and Rodney had moved and they had crashed into each other.

"Where'd they go?" Asked Hawk as he and Dove started searching for our two heroes

**(With Trak and Rodney in front of Fire and Ice)**

"Um… Hi?" Said Ice to Rodney as he stared and smiled at her dumbly

"Wha? Oh sorry (ahem) hello I'm Rod…" said Rodney before Trak interrupted him by pulling him to the side.

"Trak, what the hell." "Rodney what are you doing, don't tell people our names, we are among the greatest heroes ever and are in front of two very sexy ladies." "So, what's your point?" "My point, you foolish mutant lycanthrope, is that since we are in front of heroes we should be using alias names." "Why?" "A great number of reasons" "Give me two." "Fine. One, our names may not be great by word of mouth, but if someone looks us up online they'll find that we have bad rap sheets with things we don't want people knowing about. Especially that shit that went down in the U.K. with the Queen and all." "Ooh good point." "Second, they may be in contact with some of the heroes in Hobojunction and I don't want to deal with Star Jam or Amazonia or especially Captain Crappy again." The two friends whispered to each other.

As they were whispering Fire and Ice spoke to each other.

"They're a little weird" said Fire

"I don't know, the dog faced one is kind of funny." Said Ice

Trak and Rodney turned back to Fire and Ice. Rodney spoke first.

"Okay forget what I was going to say, my name is El Commode." he said proudly

Everyone listening thought the same thing 'Did he just call himself "The Toilet"?'

"And I am "Eccks the Vindicator"." said Trak equally as proud as Rodney.

"Like the letter "X"?" asked Fire

"No E-C-C-K-S, like in that kick-ass movie." Said Trak

"That movie sucked." Said Rodney

""Cable Guy" sucked" Responded Trak

"Blasphemy!" Rodney and Ice yelled together.

"You like that movie too? So do I." they both asked each other at the same time.

"Oh, brother there she/he goes again." Said Trak and Fire

"I take it your friend goes "geek mode" for that movie." Asked Trak "yeah"

"Over there." Dove said pointing Trak and Rodney in front of Fire and Ice.

"…And again I'm sorry making you guys have that accident" said Ice

"It's cool, don't worry about it, we're fine." Said Trak before he and Rodney were tackled from behind.

The other heroes couldn't believe what was happening, two of the most level headed heroes are acting like they were in a bar fight.

As Hawk was beating the hell out of Trak he got the urge to beat him even harder. For you see one of the heroines he was trying to impress earlier was Fire.

When some of the heroes pried Hawk and Dove off of Trak and Rodney, our two favorite idiots couldn't let their beatings go without something to say about it.

"Oh wow, was that supposed to be an ass kicking? Because it felt like chicken taps." said Rodney further angering Dove.

"You know Hawk, it's not good to be such a jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving." …"Okay that was lame" said Trak

As they were getting up Trak said "God, what kind of names are Hawk and Dove anyway? Kind of reminds me of war and peace."

"Trak, I don't think that was a coincidence." said Rodney putting a hand on his bruised face.

"You mean to tell me that they intentionally named themselves after the animal representations of war and peace?" said Trak

"Obviously!" says Dove

Trak and Rodney just looked at each other then at Hawk and Dove, then tried their hardest to stifle their laughter until "…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Oh my God you two are political themed heroes? Oh man you guys suck!" said Trak

This earned a chuckle from those listening which soon turned to full blown laughter after hearing…

"What do you do? Debate your enemies in to submission? HA!" said Rodney "Nice one." Said Trak

All the insults and hardy laughter did was further agitate the siblings.

"Who do two think you are?" Came the question from the clearly pissed Dove "Yeah I'll bet you were just trying to impress them so you can get in their pants." Said Hawk causing the crowd of heroes and reporters to gasp by what was just said.

""Get in to their pants?" We were just trying to be nice and make new friends." Said Rodney

"Besides ladies that fine you have to romance first, words can only get you but so far. It's not they're easy or sluts you know" said Trak with Rodney nodding his head in agreement and said "I concur."

"That's probably what you were thinking maybe." Said Rodney

"Yeah, what are you two a couple of male chauvinistic ass-holes that think all women are good for is fuckin' and having babies?" Said Trak

This caused the people to look at Hawk and Dove with disgusted and angered looks especially from the women.

'Don't you think that was a bit much?' "Shut up brain." Said Trak

Hawk and Dove now saw red and once they got out of the grasp of the other heroes they once again pounced on and beat the crap out of our favorite duo.

As this was going on the reporters from various news media, who were here for a walk through of the Watchtower, reported the entire fight.

-2 Hours later-

**(Justice League: Medical Wing)**

Trak awoke and found that he couldn't move but he could see, and what he saw was what he guessed was Rodney in a full body cast.

Rodney couldn't move but he could see Trak strapped to his bed and wrapped in bandages, especially his mouth, with an annoyed look in his eyes.

**(Meanwhile in the Justice League Conference Room Hawk and Dove received a severe dressing down.)**

"Do you two know how much trouble you two are in?" said the Green Lantern

"But they-" said Hawk before he was interrupted by Hawkgirl "Save it! You two idiots made the League look like a bunch of thugs."

"Why were they here in the first place?" asked Dove

"That's not important right now. What is important is the media backlash we're getting." came the reply from J'onn J'onzz the Martian Manhunter.

"Weren't both of you aware that reporters were amongst the spectators of your one sided brawl?" came the stern question from Batman.

"Just look how media portrays us." said Wonder Woman as she turned up the sound on the television in the room.

-and in the end there were no survivors. In other news, it looks like our superheroes have become super zeroes. Caught on tape; the heroes Hawk and Dove began beating up two well meaning straight "A" college students like a couple of thugs."

Then suddenly at the conference room doorway "Wow look at that, we look good on T.V. Despite the horrible beating we received. And since when were we straight "A" college students?" asked Trak

"Cool, I must say you seven look amazing, dynamic, and very scary" said Rodney

"Weren't you both in full body casts?" asked Flash

"Meh, we got better." Said Rodney

"Also why was I the only one strapped down?" asked Trak

Martian Manhunter answered "You kept thrashing around and yelling about the Blackie-Whiteies coming to kill you."

"Huh, well that explains a lot." Said Rodney before he took notice of the Martian Manhunter's eyes glowing.

"Damned BWBs, even in my dreams they haunt me so." Said Trak

"What are you two doing here?" asked Superman

"Well…" Rodney began "it seems to me that the Justice League is in need of help at times like this, and since we need money and slash or a job I figure we could help each other out." said Rodney completely unsure if his scheme would work.

"Correction you need a job, I just need a better job." Said Trak "Shut up Trak" responded Rodney

"Look, sorry but we're not really hiring anyone at the moment" said the Flash

"Actually, we want to be part of the Justice League" said Trak

"No thanks, we have enough problems on our hands at the moment" said Hawkgirl immediately rejecting the two hopeful heroes.

"Well as Rodney said before you guys look like you need help so how about if we can get the tabloid reporters off your backs you not only keep Hawk and Dove on roster but you also let us come on to the League as retainer heroes" said Trak

After saying this which surprised some of the heroes, especially Hawk and Dove, some of them were considering letting Trak and Rodney do so.

"Oh Sweet Merciful God!" came the sudden shout of the Martian Manhunter. After he realized what he did, he clears his throat and ushered Trak to continue talking.

"Okay, um especially since Superman promised us food a drinks for jumping the gun in Smallville." Said Trak

"Unless by food you meant eating punches and our own teeth and by drinks you mean tasting and choking on our own blood." Said Rodney

Superman spoke "Okay, uh…Trak was it? I appreciate that you've taken an interest in joining the Justice League but…" "Wait, wait, wait," Rodney interrupted

"Before you come to a decision let us take care of the media problem." Said Rodney

"That's not…" Wonder Woman said before she was interrupted

"We'll see you in two days. TTFN." Finished Trak before him and Rodney quickly left the room with Hawk and Dove right behind them

"TTFN?" Asked Wonder Woman

"Tata for now." Explained Flash

**(In the Hallway)**

As the two were leaving they were stopped by Hawk and Dove.

Dove started speaking "We can't thank you guys enough if it weren't for you we would have been kicked out of the League."

"It's cool, don't worry about it." Said Trak

"Of course were it not for you, we wouldn't have been in that position in the first place" said Hawk

"Well I didn't throw the first punch and neither did Trak, you did genius" said Rodney

"Why you…" "Anyway, we're sorry for attacking you. What can we do to repay two of you for helping us stay on the League?" asked Dove stopping his brother from starting yet another fight.

"I'll let Trak answer that" said Rodney

"_Fifty grand little man._

_Put that shit in my hand._

_If you don't, you are goanna, Oh e oh e __**owe**__._

_That's my Jungle Love, oh e oh e oh._

_My Jungle Love, Oh e oh e oh"._

"All we have is fifty bucks" said Hawk as he showed them what they had.

"Deal!" Trak and Rodney both said as they took the money and ran off to start their self imposed mission.

**(Meanwhile back in the Conference Room)**

"Should we even bother letting them in?" asked Hawkgirl

"Well they seem nice enough when they are not being rude" said Wonder Woman

"Those two are funny" said Flash

"J'onn what do you think?" asked Superman

"I think they're both very foolish" said the Martian Manhunter

"Did you try to read their minds?" Asked Hawkgirl

"I tried and couldn't." answered the Martian Manhunter

"Why not, could they have mental defenses?" Asked Hawkgirl

"Well what I encountered could be a form of mental defense…" said the Martian remembering and explaining what took place just a few minutes ago.

**(Flashback - Seven minutes earlier)**

After answering Traks' question about why he was strapped down, the Martian Manhunter tried to read Rodney's mind first.

Inside Rodney's mind a song an annoying song was playing.

_My bologna has a first name its O-S-C-A-R  
My bologna has a second name Its M-A-Y-E-R  
I love to eat it everyday and if you ask me why I'll saaaay  
Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A_

After a small pause it started again.

_My bologna has a first name its…_

The Martian Manhunter, who couldn't take the dumb song any more, quickly got out of there and tried to see what was in Trak's mind only to come across just as bad.

Inside Trak's mind the Martian heard a song being sung. A song just as annoying as the one that played in Rodney's mind. An annoying song sung by hundreds of the same voice.

_Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener  
that is what I'd really like to beee  
'cause if I were an Oscar Meyer wiener  
everyone would be in love with me_

Oh, I'm glad I'm not an Oscar Meyer wiener  
that is what I'd never want to beee  
'cause if I were an Oscar Meyer wiener  
everyone would take a bite of me.

He quickly got out of there and decided this time to try again in Rodney's head.

**(Once again in Rodney's head.)**

The Martian Manhunter was determined to find out what their intentions were, but instead found not the bologna song but…

_I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight YEAH,_

_I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight _

_I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight_

_I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight YEAH,_

_I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight _

_I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight_

The Martian Manhunter could take no more. And like a glutton for punishment he went into Trak's mind, only to experience something far worse, far, far worse.

**(Once again in Trak's Mind)**

_Meow, meow, meow, meow._

_Meow, meow, meow, meow._

_Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow._

_Meow, meow, meow, meow._

_Meow, meow, meow, meow._

_Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,_

_Meow. Meow. Meow._

_**MEOW! **_

That was all the Martian could take before getting out of there like a bat out of hell and back into his own mind. Still very disturbed by what he experienced he let out a yell "Oh Sweet Merciful God!"

**(End Flashback)**

"Oh, so that's what that outburst was about. Are you going to be alright?" asked The Flash

"Yes I'll be fine." Said The Martian Manhunter.

"Okay if they caused that kind of reaction out of J'onn then there is clearly something wrong with them." Said the Green Lantern

"Granted, but I do think we may benefit more with them on our side rather than against us" came the sudden answer from Batman

"How do you figure?" asked Green Lantern

"You'll find out when they come back" replied Batman

**Author's note**

If you hadn't figured it out yet that's the "Meow Mix" song

Hope you like the chapter.


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